Chariots of Rubbish Part 3: Drives

ON TERRAIN

There's lots of different types of terrain. Some Drives are better at handling them then others. Here's five of the most common.

• Rough: Off road, over rocks, through bushes.
• Smooth: Beautiful roads baby!
• Soft: We're talking sand and mud and cotton candy. If a Drive has X/6 written here, that's their chance of getting stuck. Roll a d6 and get higher then X. Stuck cars skip their Movement Phase and need to roll next round not to get stuck again.
• Slippery: Ice, oil slicks, etc. Many cars need to make a CO check, or they lose control and skip their Movement Phase.
• Water: Lakes, rivers, maybe even magma. Some things can fly over them, everyone else sinks.

ON FLYING

This is a d30 table, but there are 36 results. The last six are all true flyers; they can control their elevation, unlike the hover Drives. I prefer to use them by themselves in aerial races. If you feel like mixing the two, I would invent separate, high elevation terrains and hazards for them to deal with. To roll across the whole table, roll a d6 to determine the type and another d6 to select a drive from that type.

#	Name	Special	Rough	Smooth	Soft	Slippery	Water	CO	AC	RA	ST
1	Liquid Metal Cushion	Has a T-1000 spike thing going on. R: AC P, A: 1, D: 2.			-2 AC		No	1	0	0	3
2	Giant Drill: Land Boat!	Leaves Rough terrain behind it.			+1 AC		No	-2	0	3	1
3	Tank Treads				-1 AC, 1/6	CO	No	-1	0	1	2
4	Concrete Rollers	Leaves Flat terrain behind it.		+1 AC	No	CO	No	-2	0	2	2
5	Carried By Little Robots		-1 AC	+1 AC	No	CO	No	1	1	0	0
6	Mouse Ball Writ Large		-1 AC	+1 AC	No	CO	No	2	1	0	0
#	Name	Special	Rough	Smooth	Soft	Slippery	Water	CO	AC	RA	ST
7	Inline Cycle Wheels		-1 AC	+1 AC	-1 AC, 3/6	CO	No	2	2	0	-1
8	Two Huge Side Wheels		-1 AC	+1 AC	-1 AC, 3/6	CO	No	0	1	0	2
9	Trike! Two in front, huge one in back.*		-1 AC	+1 AC	-1 AC, 3/6	CO	No	1	2	0	0
10	Monster Truck Wheels			+1 AC	-1 AC, 2/6	CO	No	0	1	1	1
11	Six Wheel Drive		-1 AC	+1 AC	-1 AC, 2/6	CO	No	1	1	0	1
12	Just A Ton Of Tires, All Different Sizes		-1 AC	+1 AC	-1 AC, 2/6	CO	No	0	2	0	1
#	Name	Special	Rough	Smooth	Soft	Slippery	Water	CO	AC	RA	ST
13	100s Of Centipede Legs w/ Wheels			+1 AC	-2 AC	CO	No	1	0	0	1
14	Twelve Tentacle Legs	Can roll into wheels. Grappling always succeeds.		+1 AC	-2 AC	CO	No	2	0	0	0
15	Eight Spider Legs	Can crawl on walls and ceilings.			-2 AC	CO	No	2	0	0	0
16	Four Lion Legs	CLAWS! You don't GET REKT while Ramming!			-2 AC	CO	No	1	1	0	0
17	Two Chicken Legs	When you fail a CO, you also trip: lose your next Movement Phase.			-2 AC	CO	No	2	0	1	2
18	T Rex Mounted/Pulled	Instead of ramming it eats a guy. Ignores GET REKT if it makes no sense.			-2 AC	CO	No	0	0	-	2
#	Name	Special	Rough	Smooth	Soft	Slippery	Water	CO	AC	RA	ST
20	Sled, Mecha-Wolf Dog Team				-2 AC	CO	No	0	1	0	1
19	Sled, Super Heated	Melts ground underneath: Leaves D: 2 Dangerous Terrain behind it.				+1 AC	No	-2	0	2	2
21	Sled, Controlled Explosions	Roll 1d4 every round for X. If you Block someone, they GET REKT, D: X.			1/6		No	X	X	0	3
22	Sled, Jet Engine		-1 AC		-1 AC, 1/6		No	-4	4	0	2
23	Sled, Three Bolted On Wings		-1 AC		-1 AC, 1/6			0	2	0	0
24	Sled, Astral Sails	If magic happens behind you, +1 AC, if it's in front of you -1 AC.**	-1 AC					-1	1	0	2
#	Name	Special	Rough	Smooth	Soft	Slippery	Water	CO	AC	RA	ST
25	Hovercraft, Everglade Propellers	You receive -3 Ramming Damage.	No					-1	2	0	0
26	Ekranoplan Engine Wings	For -3 AC, you can fly.	-2 AC					-1	3	0	-1
27	Sorcerer on Mad Max Prisoner Pole	Survive 5/6 due to potent magic.						2	1	-	0
28	Anti-Grav Engine	You can Ram by dropping on the enemy. You take no damage.						0	0	0	1
29	Mini Hover Jets							1	2	0	0
30	Pod Racer Engines							-2	3	0	0
#	Name	Special	Rough	Smooth	___Soft___	Slippery	Water	CO	AC	RA	ST
31	Dragon Fly Wings							1	2	0	-2
32	Flettner Motors (Google It)							0	2	0	-1
33	Four Bolted On Wings							-1	3	0	0
34	Helicopter Propellers							2	2	-1	-2
35	Lifting Body							-3	4	0	0
36	Dozens of Flappy Wings	Like that battleship thing in Howl's Moving Castle.						0	1	0	0

*Wanna stay classy? Regular tires have the same exact stats.

**Persistent events, like spells or demons, count every round.

Chariots of Rubbish Part 2: Frames

ON BUILDING YOUR RIDE

In Chariots Of Rubbish, the Vehicles are C2ARS!*

They have five stats each.

CREW is how many dudes you can fit in the car.

CONTROL is how well you can avoid stuff.

ACCELERATION is how fast you can push it.

RAMMING  is how much it hurts if you hit someone.

STABILITY is how unlikely it is to explode.

When making a stat check, you roll 1d10 and add your stat. If there's no target number or opposed roll to beat, you have to get 6 or higher.

If you're looking to run a one shot race, have everyone roll once on Frames, Drives, Extras, and Weapons; roll on Racers and Mooks as needed. Add up your stats, write down your special abilities, and you're done!

If you're running a campaign where players keep their cars and improve them between races, invent a Racer and roll a Frame and a Drive. All that other stuff is what you get from looting, scavenging, and winning.

A final note on creating cars: I don't give the player any options. I prefer the game to be about stupid fun instead of min maxing. That said, if a player HATES what she got, I'll give her a reroll. Again, stupid fun.

*Would you believe me if I told you that the stats just HAPPENED to spell out CARS? I shit you not.

ON THE FACT THAT I INCLUDED MODEL NUMBERS WITH EVERYTHING

That's mostly so you can google this stuff. For fluff purposes, feel free to ignore them utterly.

#	Name	Special	CR	CO	AC	RA	ST
1	Surf Board		0	4	2	0	-2
2	Roman Chariot		1	3	2	0	-2
3	Ceremonial Golden Howdah	Animals fear you. They remember their oppression.	2	1	2	0	-2
4	Steam Punk Motorcycle	Losing ST makes a -2 A steam cloud. Affects you too.	0	3	2	0	-1
5	Corvus Pattern Power Armor	You're immune to SHOOT and MELEE. Possessed by demon with omnicidal urges.	0	2	2	2	2
6	Innovative 225 Dragster	How odd! The thing you need is under the seat.	0	1	2	1	-1
#	Name	Special	CR	CO	AC	RA	ST
7	Sand Rail		1	2	1	1	-1
8	Sopwith Camel Fuselage		0	3	1	1	-1
9	X-34 Land Speeder		1	1	1	2	-1
10	Enormous Haunted Skull		2	0	1	3	0
11	Doc Brown's DeLorean	Once, go into future. Skip this round. Leave flame tracks: R: AC + d10 P, A: 5, D: 2.	2	1	1	2	0
12	HEAT-1X One Man Rocket	Activate the engine and it's AC 20 this round. You'll also auto fail any CO checks.	0	0	1	1	1
#	Name	Special	CR	CO	AC	RA	ST
13	Pink Rolls Royce Phantom II	The crowd LOVES you! Use them as one free Trick.	2	1	0	2	0
14	Eurocopter HH-65 Dolphin	No rotor, so it can't fly.	2	2	0	1	0
15	Lockheed P-38 Lightning, sans wings	It has working radar. You ignore camouflage, invisibility, and darkness.	0	2	0	1	0
16	T-47 Snowspeeder		1	1	0	2	1
17	Sherpina CW 25.35 Crane	Upgrade your Grapple to R: 0 S, A: 4.	0	0	0	2	1
18	Colonial Viper Space Fighter		0	1	0	2	1
#	Name	Special	CR	CO	AC	RA	ST
19	Robo-Vishnu, controlled by cables against it's will	When you GET REKT, roll ST. Fail and it regains control of a limb. It's very angry.	1	2	-1	6	1
20	Seehund Midget Submarine	While inside, you cannot SHOOT, and no one can SHOOT you.	1	1	-1	2	1
21	Peterbilt 379x  Big Rig	Roll a new vehicle with a d20 frame. You're carrying it! Add CR together.	2	0	-1	3	2
22	Aztec Calendar Stone In Metal Frame	Sacrifice a heart to cast a spell! Cycles: jaguar, hurricane, fire, water, earthquake.	2	-1	-1	2	2
23	Sherman Tank, sans cannon	Swivel mount! Your weapon can shoot backwards too!	2	1	-1	3	2
24	Mad Cat Battlemech, sans legs	Comes with a second weapon. Roll two of 'em!	0	1	-1	2	2
#	Name	Special	CR	CO	AC	RA	ST
25	Sidewheeler Paddleboat		3	0	-2	2	1
26	The Iron Throne	Enemy boarders take a 2/6 MELEE hit.	1	-1	-2	4	3
27	HMAS Advance Patrol Boat		4	0	-2	3	2
28	The Devil's FEF-3 Train		3	-1	-2	4	2
29	Death Star Super Laser Tube	It's charged! You get ONE shot at R: Zone A: 8 D: 12. Hits an entire Sector.	2	-1	-2	3	1
30	Small Castle Tower		3	-1	-2	3	3

ON PAINT JOBS

Your ride was made in a junkyard, so the assumption is that everything looks like it's made of scratched, beaten and rusted steel. But maybe your crew had the time to pimp your ride? Sure, why the hell not. Describe your paintjob to your heart's content! Here's a few examples.

1. Hot Rod Flames
2. Tasteful Racing Stripes
3. Demonic Runes and Math Formulas
4. Canadian Flag
5. Orthodox Saints Everywhere
6. Hello Kitty

7. Starry Night
8. Mural of a Psychedelic Wizard Fight
9. Skulls On Everything
10. Dragons All Over

11. Gradually Shifts Through The Rainbow Like A Shitty Gif
12. Made Out Of Wood
13. Nega-Paint Job: You're a black whole in reality.

14. Jingle Truck
15. Dekatora Lightshow

16. All The Joints Bleed Continuously

17. Covered In Fresh Picked Flowers
18. Covered In White Fur
19. Shaped Like A Terrible Monster
20. Enormous Top Hat Welded On